These make a strong case against ever doing lunch break cards again, since of course some are going to be silly jokesin so little time, on the wrong day, with no assistance or playtesting, you are guaranteed to get some designs like that, no matter how talented your designers
The game essentially forces you to play your cards out as soon as youre able just to keep up with your opponent
Deathtouch answers a lot of combat tricks as well, like variants on Giant Growth
LifelinkExtortAt the beginning of your postcombat main phase, if you gained 3 or more life this turn, exile Sorin of House Markov, then return him to the battlefield transformed under his owner's control
But seriously, just putting a +1/+1 every turn on creatures you control is already a nice rate for a 2-drop
This spell costs less to cast this way, where X is the greatest mana value of a commander you own on the battlefield or in the command zone